Pump Journal

 Hi y'all!

So, here goes.  Hi world, I'm officially an insulin pump user!  I've had the Tandem x2 pump for a full week now.  It's been... a lot to adjust to.  Stick with me for a minute and I'll take you through what the Tandem trainer described as "the first week of the rest of my life."

Day 0

Ok, I'm not totally counting this as a pump day because I haven't turned on Control IQ yet (Lantus is working till midnight so I don't want a double dose of basal).  But hey, I'm wearing a pump!  I had training early this morning and have spent the day getting used to my new Tandem x2.
Insertion was... fine?  Better than I expected, for sure.  I was pretty anxious about that part, but it wasn't much worse than a Dexcom insertion or even a Lantus shot (PWDs, y'all know exactly what I mean, lol).

Being connected to a tube feels strange, but I definitely anticipated that.  And I can now officially say this is the longest I've gone without an injection since I was 7 years old - wow, that's something, isn't it?

Excited for Control IQ to kick in tonight.

Day 1

Today was a bit rough, both mentally and physically.  Trying to step back and give y'all an honest look at how things are going.  Let's see.

I do really like Control IQ.  I'm still struggling with trusting the algorithm to the extent that I should, but I think that'll get better in time.  The biggest hurdle right now is that I have to relearn how to count carbs, something I never actually mastered because I simply never needed to when I was doing my own doses.  I feel like a lot of the control has been taken out of my hands.  It's incredibly frustrating and makes me feel powerless over my own condition, which I definitely didn't expect.

I'm also working through the whole visibility thing.  I'm trying hard not to let my self-confidence go too low, but it's a battle.  Still ended up hiding in the bathroom at work to do my insulin because I didn't want to deal with all the stares and questions about my pump.  It'll get better, I know it will - I'm just not there yet.

Day 2

Feeling a little bit of classic T1D frustration today.  Got a few of the usual comments from folks at work - and yes, I'm very very used to that, but it was my first time dealing with it since getting my pump, so it flustered me more than usual.

I've posted about this before, so I won't go off about it right now, but please, non-PWDs, understand that there are things that are ok to say to us and things that you really really shouldn't.  Yes, I wear machines to keep me alive, but I'm still a human being.  Good intentions can only get you so far when you're saying ignorant and hurtful things.

Day 3

First site change today!  And it turned out to be a double site change because, true to form, Dex died overnight after only two days.  All in all, the process took over 10 minutes - I had to stop and check my notes several times to make sure I was priming the cartridge correctly.  For someone who can do a Dexcom site change in 120 seconds, that was a less-than-stellar feeling, lol.  But hey, at least I did it!

Blood sugars have been good; honestly, this is already the longest I've gone without an overnight low in months, and I'm noticing a tangible difference in my energy levels as a result.  Carb counting is still proving difficult, but I'm getting a little better every time.

Day 4

Today’s been a roller coaster.

First of all, in an effort to boost my self-confidence, I wore a crop top that clearly showed both my pump and Dex. For those of you who don’t know, a crop top is a daring move for me on the best of days because it brings up a whole bunch of body image issues, so I can’t really articulate why I chose it on this particular day; I guess it was an attempt to “jump in the deep end” in terms of visibility. It worked a little bit, until it didn’t, but I was sorta proud of myself anyway.

I also posted a pump pic on social media for the first time, and then promptly deleted Instagram from my phone so I couldn’t spiral over it too much. Hoping that will get easier soon, lol.  I'm forcing myself to be as open and visible as I can, because my role as an advocate demands it and I feel like I owe it to my community, but that certainly doesn't mean it's easy.  Grateful for the support of my friends today.

Day 5

Hello from the OR!  I'm with the Lurie transplant team today, which means I get to test-drive exercise mode for the first time.  I'm writing this between a liver resection and a kidney transplant, and so far, things are going smoothly (both with the surgery and with the pump, lol).

OR days are always super hard on my blood sugar levels - I don't really get to eat, or drink, or even sit down.  So I've been keeping my fingers crossed that having a pump would help with that, and it seems to be working beautifully!

Today has brought up a lot of Thoughts(tm) about T1D ignorance and misconceptions within healthcare, so expect more about that in a future post.  Had a nurse tell me today that my blood sugar of 157 was too high, and I literally just started laughing because I was more worried that it was dropping low.  It was funny in the moment, but I'm trying not to think about what would happen if that nurse had a T1 patient.  Anyway.  More to come on that later.  Transplant time!

Day 6

Site change day!  I ended up waiting till the evening to change, since I still had enough excess insulin left in the cartridge.  I was proud of how quickly it went this time - definitely an improvement from a few days ago.  Having a site change every 3 days is one of the hardest things about wearing a pump, and I'm dreading having to figure that out once I'm back on campus, but I'll make it work.

I've been fighting some stubborn highs today, but nothing unmanageable.  Proud of how quickly I've learned to anticipate what the pump is going to do and incorporate it into my decisions.  I still occasionally have moments of oh shit, I'm gonna be wearing this thing for the rest of my life, but those are getting less and less frequent.  I'm getting used to untangling myself from seatbelts and learning how to not lay on top of my pump when I'm sleeping.  Progress!

Day 7

Wow, it's hard to believe it's been a week.  What a roller coaster it's been, right?

All in all, I'm really glad I switched to a pump, and pretty surprised by how quickly I've gotten used to it.  It's imperfect, and often difficult, as all things are with T1D.  But hey, I wouldn't be here if I hadn't learned to get through the hard times.  And it can only get better from here!

Thanks for reading, thanks for supporting, thanks for being so wonderful.  Love y'all very much.