Hey y’all!
So, I started college! I’m now 1 month into my first semester at Yale. It’s so fun but absolutely exhausting, not helped by the challenges of managing T1D effectively on my own.
I thought I’d try something new for this post! Y’all know that I struggle pretty badly with overnight lows (my endo has pretty much given up on fixing them at this point - we’ve tried everything, lol). So I decided that for 1 week, whenever I had an overnight low, I’d open my notes app and write down what I was thinking!
If y’all know me, you know that I have no filter when I’m low - especially when I’m both low and tired. So I apologize for the uncensored nature of what you’re about to read - but hopefully it’ll make you laugh and also give you a glimpse of what it’s like to wake up with low blood sugar night after night. Here goes!
4:12 AM, sep 17. 49 and steady.
i actually originally treated the low 15ish minutes ago but forgot that i had this idea to write stuff down - and also i was so shaky and disoriented i doubt i could’ve written anything before now anyway. (thank god for autocorrect because otherwise this would be unintelligible.) i’m gonna prolly be up for a while because this is one of those having-trouble-breathing episodes and that always gets my adrenaline going… tempted to just get up now since i have to be awake in 3.5 hours anyway. but i’m still so tired. here’s hoping we get above 60 soon so i can get another sleep cycle in before morning!
For context: I’m generally supposed to wait until my blood sugar gets out of the danger zone before falling back asleep, because if it continues to drop, dex won’t beep again and it would be very easy for me to slip into a coma without anyone noticing. So that’s what the “above 60” thing is referring to.
3:48 AM, sep 18. 48 and dropping.
gotta love a new sensor, right? this def isn’t an error because i’m 100% feeling it, but I think the fact that it didn’t wake me up sooner was prolly an error. yay. not feeling super horrible - just really dizzy, but that’s nothing new. I’m so tempted to just fall back asleep right now, but *safety first*, right? we’ll see if I can force myself to stay awake for this one. no promises. lol it would be kinda morbidly funny if those were my last words bc I fell asleep and didn’t catch it dropping again. do they count as last words if they’re typed and not spoken? do non-chronically-ill people think about this stuff as often as PWDs do? bc lemme tell ya, we think about it all the time. ok I feel like this is just incoherent rambling at this point, so i’ll sign off here. g’night!
Note: Yes, we think about this stuff a lot. It’s no exaggeration when I say that waking up in the morning is an accomplishment on its own, because when your body is constantly trying to kill you, sleep is incredibly dangerous. Especially on the first night of a new sensor, like this one, when it sometimes fails to provide the proper alerts.
3:56 AM, sep 19. 56 and steady.
why am I awake why am I awakeeeee dex didn’t even beep yet because this isn’t an “urgent low”, but damn, it sure feels like one. remind me to calibrate in the morning because I’m guessing it’s at least a little off. also - I have to remember to put more fruit snacks by my bed, because this is my last pack and if I go low again I’m gonna have to get up and that might wake up my roommate. I’m so glad she’s a sound sleeper bc otherwise she’d get woken up pretty much every night by me and my apparent inability to control my blood sugar. you’d think 11 years would be enough time to be good at dealing with this, but here I am, feeling like an idiot because it’s 4am and I just want one night where I actually sleep through the night.
Note: The following night I had to pull an all-nighter to finish an essay, so I was snacking and therefore didn’t have any lows! But also didn’t sleep.
1:46 AM, sep 21. LOW and steady.
fuck. not sure how it got this low without me waking up but ughhhh earlier today it was above 400 and now it’s below 40 which means I feel like I’m actually dying, lol. so dizzy, everything is blurry, hands are so shaky that I can barely hold my phone, let alone type. trying so hard not to black out. that’s what I get for overcorrecting ig? I don’t mean to sound like I’m complaining (even though I am… lol) but I went to bed already feeling like I was at my limit with t1 stuff and now it’s 2:whatever in the morning and even now I can’t escape it, ya know? and yes, I have a 9am class tomorrow, so I’m gonna be falling asleep in class (again). ok - done complaining for now - gonna prolly be awake till it gets above 50ish and then hopefully I can get some decent sleep.
3:01 AM, sep 21. 52 and steady.
I have nothing further to add except that this sucks and I wanna be asleep.
For context: double lows (or triple, or whatever) are the worst. If I go low multiple times in one night, especially if one of them is below 40 like this one was, I’ll be feeling it for the next 24 hours - headache, noise/light sensitivity, fun stuff like that. Sorry for the bad language, but 2am me was really mad about that one.
3:49 AM, sep 24. 42 and steady.
oddly fitting that this is my last entry in this funny little journal. i never ended up calibrating the other day (should reeeeally do that!) and wow, 42 steady when it’s actually prolly more like 32 feels… exactly how you’d expect. which is to say, bad. i realize i sound like i’m complaining and i’m so sorry about that!! i sorta am, but also i swear i don’t mean to. this really isn’t so bad - the rain sounds pretty and there’s something quite nice about being awake but not having any work to do except backread the happy campers group chat (shoutout!). also for some reason even though it’s lower now than it was when i first woke up, i feel better? like, i can breathe now and my heartbeat isn’t painful (also, note to self - figure out why that’s a thing that happens? bc as a premed student, that one is a bit curious). i’m gonna be tired in the morning but honestly, i was gonna be tired regardless, lol. once i feel less dizzy i’m gonna go back to sleeeep because that sounds really lovely rn (i should wait for it to be above 60 or something but i’m just gonna wait till my head stops feeling spinny and that’ll be good enough. precise medical measurements? nahhhhhhhhhhh.) and on that note, i’ll sign off! g’night💕
So there you have it - one week of uncensored low blood sugar thoughts from yours truly! Stay safe everyone - I'll try to write again soon. Love y'all!
